Infighting (Sibling Rivalry)

There is nothing that steals my peace more than sibling rivalry. My children's attitudes toward one another absolutely make or cripple my day.  It is so easy to believe the lie and yes it is a lie, that sibling rivalry is normal and okay and they will grow out of it.

This is most certainly not true. Sibling rivalry may be a normal temptation for children, a normal tool the devil uses to bring divisiveness to our families, but it only continues because we let it and because we have believed the lie.

In the bible, God asked Cain where his brother Able was after Cain killed him. Cain responded with, "Am I my brother's keeper?"  The answer to that question is YES!

Have you ever noticed the amount of sibling rivalry in the Bible and how it devastated families? To name a few, Cain and Able, Ishmael and Isaac, Jacob and Esau, Leah and Rachel, Joseph and his brothers, David and his brother and the prodigal son and his brother. The twelve tribes of Israel couldn't even live near each other because of the infighting.

We know from the book of James, that our tongue is a "world of wickedness".   It can speak life and death. If we do not gain control of that little member of our body, it can send the whole body to hell. Should we not train our children to control their tongue and practice that with our brothers and sisters? How much more important is this relationship over others that we treat with considerable kindness?

I Timothy 4:12 says, "Let no one despise or think less of you because of your youth, but be an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity."

The bible also tells us that if anyone hates his brother and says he loves God, he is a liar! How can we not love who we have seen and love who we have not seen? If we love God, we will also love our brother.

We need to require our children to be kind and respectful of one another, treating each other better than their best friend.  The punishment for belittling their siblings must be strong and swift. They must know that this is the law of the house and this crime should not be committed.

Marriage is the only relationship similar to their sibling relationship. If we allow sibling rivalry to continue, we are training them up to be incapable of remaining married. If we want our children to treat their spouses with the utmost respect and honor, they must treat their brother and sister this way. Do not allow them to beat each other up; do not allow harsh words or a belittling tone. This may require some sweat and tears from the parents, but it will be well worth it.

I have personally found that when my child speaks harshly to the other, I have them rewind that statement and say it again with love and mercy. It sure is difficult for them to say..."That is mine and you can't have it!" with love and mercy. When they are forced to rethink their words with a new attitude, you can see the light go on in their eyes. Elevate the relationship above the object or issue that the fight is about. Show them that they are siblings first. I have my kids state 2 facts about each other that make them important. Then we reevaluate which is more important, the relationship or the issue. The children can now clearly see the rational in what you are teaching them. They may not remember it right away the next time an issue comes up, but you continually remind them of this each time. Eventually, this will become part of their thinking process as they learn better conflict resolution skills.

If you have found ideas that curb sibling rivalry in your families, I would love to hear your ideas.

NEXT UP: TURNING YOUR OLDEST INTO TEAM CAPTAIN