What I Would do Differently

My 12 year old daughter just returned from New York City on her first missions trip. I learned some things through it and I wanted to share with all those parents who might be contemplating sending their kids on a trip. If you are like me, this will be a  HUGE decision.

I grew up in a third world country, so I know what dangers lurk out in this big ugly world...and I have seen TV, I know what dangers lie in New York City. (You can believe some things on TV, right?) I wrestled with this decision. We really wanted to send her on a missions trip as part of her rite of passage, but overseas was a bit too expensive for us since we are also going on a missions trip this year, so we decided to choose a stateside trip that would expose her to a need for Jesus without fully taking ME out of my comfort zone (a nice bonus :)) So, off she went on a 17 hours bus ride with our church to the very poor areas of NYC.

I fully expected her to return full of excitement for ministry and for her experiences and I fully expected me to jump up and down with her about her experiences. I was not, however, prepared to end up crying myself to sleep when she returned home.

My daughter arrived late Tuesday night and we met with big hugs and "Oh my goodness, I am so glad you survived!" tears. We were off to a late night milkshake to sit with the family and hear all about her trip. Soon, I realized that the discussion wasn't providing much information. Anything she told us was prefaced, as she pointed at my other kids, with "They really shouldn't hear this", and "I will tell you later", and "Oh, Mommy, you wouldn't believe..." She touched on the highlights and we went home.

After the kids were in bed, we sat up for several hours and she began to tell me what she witnessed. Can I just tell you, a pit hit my stomach. I couldn't hold back the tears as she expressed the world in its ugliest form. I cried, not because of what she saw, but because she saw. Keep in  mind, we are very open and have had all the talks on mature issues, but it was so in her face. How she described it to me was like the world had vomited its nastiness right into her lap.

She described how the second or third day, her "eyes had seen too much". She felt depressed and sick to her stomach. One man she called the Mad Hatter was a highlight of her day. He was fully into the New Age and dressed very colorfully with makeup and a rainbow hat, but his antics made her smile. She said that even though he was crazy, he had hope. Though his hope was false, he was still happy in the midst of all the darkness that was in that area. I was thankful God put that color in her day. She needed it. She invited him to church on Sunday and was able to share some with him.

They handed out lots of food and water and as they did, they told people what Jesus did for them. One man even accepted her invitation to church on Sunday and actually showed up. When she went up to say hi, she saw he was signing up for a discipleship class. That was huge for her.

I can't even begin to list all she was exposed to. Pretty much if you can think it up, she either saw it or heard it being discussed.

She had one point where they were cleaning people's apartments. They were finished and were moving downstairs to another set when they were stopped and told if they went down those stairs, they might go missing. (Yep, that knocked the wind out of me for a minute). Apparently, people go down and never return! I am SO thankful that this lady spoke up. Even when our chaperons were about to go into a place where they were unaware of the danger, the Lord kept them safe. Once again, letting me know, I can trust God with my daughter.

As I went to bed that night, I cried asking God if I made a mistake. After all, I have shielded her from so much of this by guarding closely what she watches on TV and movies and even homeschooling her. Had I just thrown her to the wolves at still such an innocent age? He quickly brought something to my mind and spoke it to my heart and it instantly gave me peace. The Lord showed me that yes, she was exposed to so much, but due to the fact that she has been protected from those influences, she was thankfully, not numb to them. Her spirit reacted to what she was seeing, thus feeling the heaviness she described to me. Had she just known someone in her neighborhood doing drugs or known some girl  having an intimate relationship with a guy, she likely would not see the consequences of their mistakes, at least not right away . In fact, many times, that lifestyle is deceiving and can even look glamorous. She will never see what goes on behind their closed doors  with their parents and the internal damage those decisions cause. But by seeing the inner city of New York, she was able to see humanity in its depravity. She saw the full cycle of sin that literally leads to hopelessness, chains of bondage, and death. It repulsed her, but the people tugged at her heart. She was able to see the hopeless of this world and know that she knew the answer for them. It allowed for her to see a glimpse of her purpose in this life.

This had been my prayer for her. All week, the thing I continually prayed for, besides safety, was just that. God, show her the hopelessness of the world and let her know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus is the only way out of that. I guess I hadn't thought through what that would look like, but He did answer it and it was a good thing...not a bad thing. In fact, it left a bad taste in her mouth for poor choices. It made her life a whole lot more appealing. She said she had no idea just how blessed we really were until she saw this. She saw her faith debated, which was a great experience for her. She was mocked and laughed at. She was rejected and scorned...gee, who does that sound like? She was "a partaker of Christ" in those moments. She was rejected by the world and felt the sting of being the minority. However, she ALSO saw people stunned that they would pay money and drive all that way to NY to clean a dirty apartment all in the name of serving someone. She saw people who were grateful for their prayers and food. She saw people come to God's grace. She saw that she was a light in this dark world.

I have found a few things I would do differently now with my other kids before they go.

Number one, I wish I hadn't been so naive. I could have prepared her mentally a little more for what she would encounter.

I also would have taught her how to pray through the depression. That was the first time she really was able to feel what was going on in the Spirit realm. She went from living in an area where God is the authority to serving in an area where the Enemy is. That is spiritual warfare and she wasn't fully prepared for how to do battle in prayer.

Thirdly, I would pray differently for her while she is gone. I know now what needs to be covered in prayer, but thankfully, I prayed what I knew and God took care of the rest. He is her Father and walked with her. That was more than I could do. I am so thankful we serve a God that is relational. He is real and His love is life altering. I am glad my daughter got to be the hands and feet of God...going into the world to spread the life changing news of Jesus, the lover of their soul. She would do it all again and so would I.

If you are contemplating sending your child on a missions trip, here are some things I would suggest:

1. Get together with one or more of the moms and spend time in prayer for the kids while they are on their trip. Let God speak to you about what areas they need a prayer covering in.

2. Pray over their safety on their actual to and from trip as well as there time there. They will most likely be in a much more dangerous traffic environment than where you live and if there is a lot of walking, those dangers are evident and should be prayed for as well.  I prayed for her mental, physical, emotional and spiritual safety. I prayed against adverse influences as well. All that exposure needs to be met with a "no thanks" attitude by our kids.

3. Ephesians 6 says we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and spiritual forces in the heavenly realms, so don't be ignorant about such things. The enemy is at work in this world and your kids are likely going to a place that is without the knowledge of Jesus, so pray for a "garment of praise" for the "spirit of heaviness". Pray that they will be aware of the devil's schemes and stand firm against them. Pray the entire "armor of God" over them each day.

4.  Pray that their "light will shine before ALL men so that people will  see their good works and praise our Father in heaven". Pray for their words to "not return void, but to accomplish that which it was set out to do." We don't want the trip to be in vain. We want them to bear fruit in what they have set out to do.  I prayed my daughter would see success in what they were doing and she did see one person give their life over to God.

5.  Talk extensively with the leaders of their trip. Make sure they are aware of the physical signs that come from spiritual oppression such as sickness, headaches, depression, anger, irritability etc...If the leaders don't recognize it and take a stand against it in prayer, the kids might suffer. Her team certainly experienced a lot of this. ( I wish I would have thought to do this sooner.) Make sure you teach your kids how to recognize this and how to pray through.

6. Make sure you know the safety procedures that your group employs. Our church had a great system, but unfortunately, it wasn't enforced and that is something to learn from. Make certain the leaders of your trip not only believe in the safety precautions, but have the leadership experience to enforce them. When there is a set of rules with a set of enforceable consequences in place, it will be better for everyone. 

7.  Write letters to your kids that you can send with them from everyone in the family. My daughter had one to open each day from someone in our home and that helps them to feel connected to us even 17 hours away. I filled my letters with mommy advice that I would want to remind her of if I would have had contact with her. She couldn't take a cell phone, so it was just our words on paper that could help encourage her. Anticipate struggles in your letters so you can address them and give them some motherly and fatherly answers when they can't ask.

8. When they say, "Don't send a cell phone with your kids..." I would say, definitely send one with them. I do not condone breaking rules, but for goodness sake, she is 12 , in NYC, and could get lost. You need a plan B in case Plan A fails..which it did while she was gone and one kid got lost, so I say, send a phone and keep it off and let them know they are NOT EVER to take it out and use it with the exception of an emergency. 

9. Have the kids keep a notebook in their day pack that has all the leaders phone numbers in case of getting lost. Our church provided that for the kids, but without a phone...(see suggestion 8 :))

10. Teach your kids (especially boys) to "look away". In other countries and States, their eyes can be bombarded with vulgar images and words that they are not accustomed to seeing. My husband says boys have to learn the art of eye bouncing. As soon as you see something you shouldn't see, your eyes should bounce away to something else instantly. Parents...we have to be intentional to teach our boys this anywhere we live. They don't usually do this naturally. 

11. Ask God to give you Bible verses to pray over your kids. The word of God is living and breathing and powerful!! Use it. It is our weapon against spiritual darkness and your kids will encounter that on a missions trip whether they are aware of it or not. As their parental authority, it is our duty to bathe and cover them in prayer and hold fast to the promises God has for them in the Bible. 

12. Pray that this missions experience ignite a passion for ministry and missions and a call to see the lost of this world saved.

13.  When your children return,  remind them to pray for the people they encountered. God planted a seed in their hearts and now we need to pray it into growth and harvest. Learn the people's names that your kids talked about and pray for them. Allow them to see you praying for them so they can know that it is really important.

14. Send a journal with your kids and ask them to journal each day about what they did and how they felt. 

15.  To help with building the unity between siblings, give them spending money and have them buy souvenirs for their brothers and sisters.

16. When your kids return, pray over them for freedom from anything they came into contact with on their trip that is not welcome and especially do this if you notice a major change in behavior when they return.

(That's just my two cents! Let me know what things you have encountered if you have sent yours on a trip or what you might want to add to this list.)