Submission

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Oh no, now I have gone and done it! I said the S word. This is a bad word in many circles and a very confusing word in Christian circles. Well, I hope to maybe give you another idea of this word that is so sadly misunderstood and misused to manipulate and degrade many women.

When I lived in Africa, I attended an American wedding that was led by a Kenyan pastor. My friends and I began to pick up on a tone that the pastor set through the entire wedding. The word submit came up over and over. So much so, that we began counting. If I remember right (and I probably don't), I think it was around 15 times that the pastor reminded the new bride that she was to submit to her husband. We giggled at the obvious attempt to brain wash the bride.

I am a big believer in the word submit. (Let me pause for a moment while my mom and dad have a moment of laughter to themselves.) Don't get me wrong, I loathe the idea of a husband dangling the word over his wife in an effort to manipulate her or require something of her that is unthinkable. I am not a big fan of authoritarian marriages either, so if your husband has come here to get his permission to dangle, it's not going to happen. I want to define this more clearly as I believe God intended this command to be lived out.

In the past, when I have been in discussions with women on this word and what it means, I find myself skirting by on the idea that it is for when a big decision arises. Let's say you both are on opposite sides of the court and you do your faithful duty as a wife and say, "I concede. You want to go to France, I want to go to Italy...France it is." Get the picture? Big decisions. Well, not so the case. My heart has been changed on this as of lately. Yes, the big decisions are still a part of submission, but there is more, so much more and I really don't want you to miss it.

Here is what it doesn't mean. It doesn't mean agreeing. It doesn't mean liking your husband's decision. It doesn't mean being a stepford wife. It doesn't mean women are weak. It doesn't mean men are bad.

Not too long ago, I contemplated how scripture can be so familiar to us that we miss the true meaning behind it. We have heard the verse a million times, assumed what we thought it meant and never given it another thought or another chance to penetrate our hearts and change us. We may even skip over it thinking we are already obeying that verse. Now, imagine standing before the Lord and He points out an area that you completely dropped the ball in and you reply, "But I didn't know," and He says, "It's in the Bible...in plain English" (unless you read the KJV and then He might say 'in very difficult English') :) Anyway, wouldn't that be a sad moment for us, to realize we assumed instead of asking God to reveal our blind spots? I, for one, would not be okay with that.

The Lord showed me the other day where I had done just that. I assumed the verse, "Wives, submit to your husbands," meant one thing after being so familiar with it...15 times in one day at the wedding in fact and then of course all the times I had read the verse, discussed the verse etc. I knew it like the back of my hand. I even thought I was obeying it.

Over the last year, my husband has sheepishly repeated a desire to me. He's a children's pastor at one of our campuses. Many times he has said, "I wish you could work with me." "I sure would love to have you come along side me in this." Wouldn't it be cool if we could work together?" My response - "Oh, no thanks...I am doing such and such and I am happy with that," He always accepted my answer and we went along our merry way.

A couple weeks ago, the  Lord brought that verse up to me when I was thinking how we misunderstand and misappropriate God's Word due to familiarity. He instantly checked my spirit. When I went through my line of thinking with what it meant, He so gently said to me..."Yes, but there is more. Submitting means submitting to the desire of your husband's heart." Instantly I was reminded of his wishes for my help in his ministry. Oh.my.goodness. How had I missed that?

Think about that Ladies. We love our husbands. The Bible says we are one with them.Why are we not one with their hearts? Why do we not see that submission is not waiting for them to command us to go here or there, but submission happens when we choose to respond lovingly to the desire of our husband's heart even when it is unspoken.

My husband would enjoy my partnership in his ministry. Well then, that is where I need to be. God will honor that and my desire for that ministry will soon grab a hold of my heart. 

Take time to know and understand your husband's heart. He may not have loudly articulated his desires to you, so it might take some thought on your part to decipher what he needs from you. Maybe he has and you are refusing to go there. If so, I submit to you that you are being insubordinate  to the will of God.

Ouch!  I know. I felt the same way. Actually, I felt ashamed that it took me 16 years to see such a simple notion.

Take time today to let the Holy Spirit walk you through your husband's heart. Let Him pinpoint some things where you can ....brace yourselves....submit to the quietly spoken desire of your husband. I guarantee you that if you live a pattern of this life, your husband's heart will be changed towards you in areas that maybe you feel a change is in order.

Here is what submission IS. It IS obeying God's Word. It IS hard to do sometimes. It IS a loving action. It IS a selfless act. It IS being a good example to your children. It IS peaceful. It IS going to reap blessings. It IS healthy. It IS going to win his heart. It IS going to please your Father in heaven. It IS going to strengthen your womanhood.

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